The Black Canary Contradiction
by SaxonShieldmaiden
Summary: A reimagining of Season 2's "The Vartabedian Conundrum." Leonard is saved from potential embarrassment when Penny introduces herself to the self-conscious Stephanie as Sheldon's girlfriend. His relief doesn't last long as he, Raj and Howard try to figure out if the pair is actually dating.
1. Chapter 1: Are You Sure?

**Hi!** **This is a reimagining of TBBT Season 2's The Vartabedian Conundrum, focusing on a relationship between Penny and Sheldon. It's a rewrite for me of an earlier fic, with a bit of an extra twist. For the record, I do not own The Big Bang Theoty and am making no money off this bit of fun.**

* * *

It was not a particularly strange sight for Penny to walk into the apartment without knocking, and not even all that strange for her to do it near the time of the month where her bills were due, as she often failed to restock her coffee supply that week, and never felt like getting dressed and driving to the nearest Starbucks. Therefore, Leonard didn't know how the possibility of a blonde in need of caffeine might appear when Stephanie was getting ready to leave.

"Out of coffee. Need coffee." The blonde who vaguely resembled something from a Romero movie said, wandering in. Unluckily, she seemed to perk up quite a bit when spoken too. Leonard didn't like the look on Stephanie's face, and he had a crawling fear that this was about to go very badly for him.

"Uh, hello..." Stephanie said, her mind suddenly jumping to conclusions at the lithe blonde in her underwear walking into the apartment as if she lived there.

"Hi!" Penny said with a smile. "Stephanie, right?"

"Mhmm...and ...and..and you are?" Stephanie asked, trying not to think of cheating boyfriends in the past.

"I'm Penny, I live across the hall." The blonde gestures to the door, as though Stephanie wouldn't understand and it sets her teeth on edge, but she keeps her temper. "Heard a lot about you."

"Really?" Stephanie asked, with forced joviality, looking at the boys who were standing in the kitchen. "I haven't heard a thing about you." When she looked to Leonard for some reassurance, he just looked at his pancake batter, and Stephanie felt the need to push him. "Leonard, why haven't I heard a thing about this woman who lives across the hall and comes into your apartment in the morning..._in her underwear_?"

Leonard felt his stomach rise up in his throat as Penny just pranced herself over between the two men. He glanced at her and then back at Stephanie. "Uh..um...Well, she's heard about you because we're y'know, involved, and you haven't heard about her because..." He trailed off and looked at Penny for a moment.

"Because I'm Sheldon's girlfriend." Penny finished, apparently to both Leonard and Stephanie's shock. Penny plucked a blueberry off of the green plate, where Sheldon had been artfully arranging them with scientific precision for application of pancakes.

Sheldon gave a great sigh of longsuffering. "Penny, we have discussed you touching my food."

"I know, sweetie." Penny said, placing a hand on his cheek, as she filled her coffee mug.

"Right," Leonard said, not sure why Penny was covering for him or how realistic such a relationship was. "Anyway you have a gallblader to remove, and I have to get in the shower and Penny has clothes to put on, so..." He started pushing Stephanie towards the door with reminders of her day, before Sheldon remembered his dislike of deception and started developing tics.

Stephanie was confused, especially since Sheldon had been so...well, Sheldon around her, but the pair did keep trading looks, and Sheldon had only continued to place blueberries on his plate, and given his precise instructions on handling pasta the other night, that seemed odd enough to be true. "Well, it was very nice to meet you."

"It nice to finally meet you too." Penny answered, with a Nebraska smile.

Leonard said goodbye to his girlfriend and looked back at Sheldon and Penny, who were standing there as if nothing strange was going on, Sheldon cleaning up the spilled batter with his usual single-mindedness. "You didn't have to do that." He said to them.

"Well, really Leonard, if I don't clean up your mess, than who will?" Sheldon replied.

Leonard opened his mouth as if to explain what he meant, and then shook his head. It was too much to deal with in the morning. He just headed for the shower with a sigh.

* * *

At lunch, after complaining about the too-itchy pants, Leonard had to explain what had happened that morning. Howard interjected with his own colorful commentary, wanting to know what Penny had been wearing, and informing him that he had passed up a "prime threesome opportunity." He ignored this and plowed on with the story, getting to the important part. "And then Penny says she's Sheldon's girlfriend!"

"Way to dodge a bullet there, brother." Howard said, with a shake of his head. "Did she buy it?"

"She seemed to." Leonard admitted. "I thought for a minute my relationship was over."

"What did Sheldon do when Penny said it?" Raj asked, curious.

"He just yelled at her for taking a blueberry from his plate and put a new one on." Leonard said with a shrug. "I don't think his programming knew how to react."

"You're sure they're not dating?" Raj asked. He would have expected Sheldon to declare the plate contaminated and get a new one, or at least wash it thoroughly.

"Of course I'm sure!" Leonard replied, with some irritation. "It's Penny and _Sheldon_ for god's sake!"

* * *

Later that night, as the boys wereplaying Three-Dimensional Chess, Penny walked in, thankfully not in her underwear, and went straight to Sheldon's door.

Three knocks. "Sheldon."

Three knocks. "Sheldon."

Three knocks. "Sheldon."

The door opened, and Sheldon looked out at the blonde. "Hello Penny. Is there something you require?"

"Sheldon, come to the comic book store with me." Penny asked. "Please?"

"Why?" Sheldon replied, in confusion. "Wednesday is Comic Book Night. It's not Wednesday."

Penny did a little nervous dance. "Because, some of the guys at the store are creepy, and my Green Arrow Black Canary Wedding Extravaganza finally came in."

Sheldon heaved a great sigh. "I don't know why you insist on purchasing that Special Edition, as you are not a completionist and dislike Green Arrow as a choice of bridegroom for Black Canary ever since you borrowed my Silver Age comics."

"Because, I'm hoping Batman crashes the wedding and gets the girl like he_ should_." Penny replied, grinning as Sheldon pulled on his jacket. "Come _on_, Sheldon."

"Very well." Sheldon agreed, and the pair left the apartment, leaving a trio of slack-jawed scientists behind them, staring at the door.

"Dude, since when does Penny read comics?" Howard asked.

"I don't know." Leonard replied, having a sudden image of Penny dressed like Black Canary in his mind's eye.

"Since when does Sheldon loan out Silver Age comics?" Howard wondered, considering if he would be able to convince the neurotic genius to let him borrow one.

"I don't know." Leonard replied, worriedly. Sheldon guarded his comics very closely.

"Are you _sure_ they're not dating?" Raj asked again, becoming more convinced of it than he was at lunch.

"I'm sure!" Leonard snapped, but somewhere, in his mind, there was a little kernel of doubt.


	2. Chapter 2: Uncomfortable Clothes

**I want to thank everyone for the lovely reviews! They really made my night. So, just for you, a new chapter, slightly faster than I anticipated.**

* * *

Leonard was slightly relieved when he took his pants out of the dryer and found them ruined. Sure, the "taking it slow" conversation hadn't really happened, but he wasn't complaining. He went back up to 4A, with a slight bounce in his step and a ruined pair of pants.

Sheldon looked up from his laptop, confused. "Leonard, why do you seem so pleased when you have ruined a very thoughtful gift from Doctor Stephanie?" He said it in the same tone of voice that he did when there was some social paradigm he could not understand. "Won't she be upset?"

Leonard looked at his friend and shrugged. "It's a relationship thing." he explained, or at least, it had always been for his parents. "You buy each other clothes that are uncomfortable, and when you see them wear them, it's more proof that they care." He shrugged. "You know I never read laundry labels."

"This is exactly why I endeavored to teach you the proper way to care for your garments." Sheldon said shrilly. "If seeing a partner wear uncomfortable clothes is a reaffirmation of affection, you will put off Doctor Stephanie, and me with my tests I need!"

Leonard sighed, putting two fingers on the bridge of his nose. He didn't want to deal with the Sheldon brand of crazy right now. "It'll be fine, Sheldon."

Sheldon watched his roommate walk out of the room and shook his head. At this rate, they would lose their McCoy before his issues were diagnosed and he wouldn't let that happen. He went to his favorite etailer, and began to shop. If Leonard wasn't going to take this seriously, Sheldon would.

* * *

The box, when it came, was quite large to accommodate a dress which was both floral and the same color as his MeeMaw's sun-faded couch in Galveston. It was not a combination he would ever find attractive. He left it for Leonard at his locker at CalTech, only slightly reassured when he knew his friend was wearing a sweater with a large bird on the front. Sheldon was of a thought that perhaps Doctor Stephanie was of the erroneous belief propagated by the inaccurate Harry Potter films that the Ravenclaw mascot was not the Eagle, but the raven. He thought about informing her, but did not wish to cast aspersions on her latest uncomfortable gift to Leonard. He still had no firm diagnosis for why his larynx was inflamed, after all.

Of course, as usual while shopping at his favorite etailer he had found several other items purely for himself. It was one of the few places that carried his t-shirts in a length that ensured maximum coverage despite his lean frame. Everything else he had bought was already where it belonged.

* * *

Raj was late to his usual evening at 4A due to staying late at work. He was therefore surprised when he came up the stairs and was accosted.

"Raj!" Penny said in a low hiss as she grabbed his arm.

The astrophysicist let out a squeak and pointed to himself, with his free hand, giving her a panicked look.

"Yes, you, silly." Penny said rolling her eyes. "I need your help with something!"

Raj blinked in surprised, and looked at the door of 4A for a moment as if someone was going to come save him, and then followed the blonde into 4B.

"Okay, so, when Sheldon and I watched The Lake House, we got into this argument..."

Raj's brow furrowed and his head tilted slightly. When had she and Sheldon watched that movie? _Why_ had they watched that movie? It wasn't exactly Sheldon's type of thing.

"Like last month." Penny said, to the obvious question, which to Raj, wasn't the most important question here, but he nodded for her to continue. "Anyway, he was going on about neurotranswhatsits and I said there wasn't an equation for love."

Raj nodded, that was easy enough to understand. Sheldon was a man of science, and Penny was more emotional and intuitive.

"So then today, he shows up out of the blue and gave me a shirt." She held up a too-large t-shirt with a mathematical formula on it. "And tells me it's the equation or love."

Raj's jaw dropped open and he gave a squeak, eyes wide. It wasn't just any formula. It was (x^2+y^2-1)^3-(x^2*y^3)=0. He didn't think Sheldon would even know that.

"Right?" Penny said, as if he had agreed with her. "It's more like a nightshirt on me. Does he think I'm that fat?"

Raj shook his head.

Penny continued her story. "I asked him what it meant, and he told me to learn to use a calculator." Penny then held out a calculator. "I tried, but it doesn't make any sense."

Raj looked at the calculator and understood. Penny had tried the formula on a cheap plastic calculator that that they gave out at a nearby bank. He held up a hand and dug in his bag for his precious Texas Instruments calculator that he had bought with his first real American paycheck. He sidled up to Penny and slowly input the formula so she could see what he was doing. He then handed it to her gingerly and pointed at the button to graph the formula.

"Press this?" Penny repeated, confused by a calculator with so many buttons.

Raj nodded, stepping back and watching her face explode in a smile when she saw the solution. In one way, it was an equation for love. He thought, watching her expression. Sure, the formula made a heart on a graphing calculator, but he had a feeling the sentiment meant more.

"Thank you, Raj." Penny said, leaning in and giving him a kiss, handing him his calculator back. "You're a sweetheart."

Raj flushed slightly and gave her a thumbs up, putting the calculator back into his bag, and gesturing slightly to the nodded, carefully folded the shirt, and put it on the counter, before bounding over to the door and locking it behind them as they crossed the hall to 4A.


	3. Chapter 3: Rodeo

**Once again a thank you to everyone who read, followed or favorited this story. I'm amazed at the response I've had. Also, shoutout to my Anna Mae. Silver looks good on you, honey. :)**

* * *

The three men stared at the couch. Howard and Raj had arrived looking for Leonard, who had arrived some hours later to find them with notebooks in hand, studying a very focused Penny and Sheldon, who were typing away furiously at their keyboards, absorbed in Age of Conan, side by side and sharing brief, instructions on the battle, pointing out enemies by at 10, or 6 or 12.

"Does Sheldon always get this intense when questing?" Howard asked, curious. sure, the Wallowizard got some play, but not like this.

"No." Leonard admitted. "He's always aware of what's happening around him. Penny got like this when she got addicted, but..."

So they sat, watching the strange byplay, the hot girl and the lanky physicist reaching for red bulls in tandem, making hunting hand gestures with no words until...

"Ha! Got him! Take that you smelly Stygian slimeball!"

"He can no longer here you, Penny, that Stygian is definitely deceased." Sheldon said, looking up from his laptop screen and over to his questing partner.

"He's bleeding demised?" Penny asked, a smile around her lips, in her denim cut-offs and over-large t-shirt.

"He's passed on." Sheldon replied, though there was something cracking his usual stoicism.

"This Stygian is no more."

Raj looked at Howard, who looked at Leonard, and the three men, as one, left the room slowly, backing away, not wanting to be present when the Stygian reached the choir invisible.

* * *

It was a week later when Sheldon emerged from his room, looking distinctly...un-Sheldon. Okay, so they could see the bright blue of a Superman t-shirt, but it was mostly hidden by a plaid shirt. His normal chinos were replaced by jeans that and a pair of boots that Leonard would have sworn were brand new if it weren't for the frayed and faded bits that could only come from actual wear and not from a chemical wash at a store.

Leonard cleared his throat. "Uh...buddy?" He said slowly, looking between the other men in the room and his oddly-dressed roommate. "Are you feeling all right?"

Sheldon gave Leonard a strange look. "My pulse, body temperature, bowel movements, mucus output and blood pressure were all within normal limits today." He ran a hand over his hair. "So yes, I am 'fine.'"

"Okay buddy." Leonard said slowly, looking at Howard, who was trying to figure out if it was a pod-Sheldon.

That was answered by the arrival of Penny, in her usual way, without knocking and with big smiles. She wasn't dressed exactly normal either, in a long-sleeved button-down and long jeans with cowboy boots, but the Penny Blossom in her hair and the pink color of the shirt somehow made the outfit less strange than what Sheldon was wearing. "Hey guys!" She said happily. "Ready to go, Sheldon?"

"Where are you going?" Leonard asked, looking between them.

"Yeah, can we come?" Howard asked.

Penny was suddenly cagey. "A friend of mine is up, competing in an amateur rodeo." There was a moment where she looked at Sheldon and they had a completely nonverbal conversation. The three men watched the two as if watching a Pong tournament. There were hand motions and head tilts and expressions.

"Sure!" Penny said, with some false brightness. "But we have to get on the road now if we're going to get there in time."

* * *

They arrived at the grounds after a slightly stilted car ride and a feeling that Sheldon was none-too-pleased that they had invited themselves along, and that Penny had allowed it. They found themselves outside Pasedena, surrounded by people dressed a lot more like Sheldon and Penny then how Leonard, Raj, and Howard looked. No wonder Sheldon had dressed differently - but how had Penny convinced him?

It was strange, for once, Sheldon wasn't part of the group huddling in the back, looking at all the "normal" people. He was one of the "normal" people. Penny was bustling about at the various shops and stalls on the way to the seating, and bought each one of the boys a cowboy hat. Surprisingly, Sheldon didn't complain. The attention of the men, however, was caught when Penny's friend arrived.

"Penelope Queen, as I live and breathe." Said a female voice, attached to a pretty brunette, dressed very much like Penny, save for the eggshell colored hate and the fact that her shirt was checked.

"If it isn't Anna Mae Sawyer." Penny replied with a laugh, as she and her friend hugged. "Oh, I haven't seen you in ages." She put an arm over the cowgirl's shoulders. "Anna Mae, these are my friends, Leonard, Raj, Howard and Sheldon." She gestured between them. "Guys, Anna Mae Sawyer, my constant runner-up in Junior Rodeo."

"A tenth of a second!" Anna Mae replied hotly.

"Hey, silver is silver." Penny teased.

Anna Mae flipped slightly, tilting her hat down. "What do you say to a rematch?"

"What?" Penny said in shock. "I couldn't possibly."

"It's amateur day. I made sure you were here early enough, women's doesn't start until after lunch." Anna Mae smirked. "Unless you're afraid because you know I'll beat you."

It may not have been the wisest move from a girl who hadn't been near rodeo since she moved to California, but Penny wasn't good at turning down a challenge. "Oh it's on." Penny said with a growl. She grabbed the black cowboy hat from Sheldon's head and put it on her own in a second, ignoring the physicist's squawk about sharing hats.

"Great, I'll get your boys seated, you hit the gates." Anna Mae pointed in the direction of the flags, and put an arm around Leonard and Raj. "Come on boys, let's grab you some good seats, so you can see Penny grab her first silver."

Seating Sheldon, was, of course, no easy task. He was horrified at the state of the seats, but seemed to have expected they were fginally settled, Anna Mae shook her head. "Leave it to Penny to find the pickiest cowboy she could in California." She tilted her hats at the scientists. "Catch for some beers after."

As she was walking away, Raj felt the need to point out the obvious to Howard in his quietest whisper. "Even Penny's friend thinks they're dating."


	4. Chapter 4: Cowboy Cooper

**Sorry this took so long, I've had a crazy weekend, but here we are, returning to the rodeo! Thanks again to everyone who reviewed, followed and favorited!**

* * *

Leonard felt as though he had slipped into some sort of alternate universe in the past few days. Not only had he discovered that he had a girlfriend and that she was living with him, but the whole mess with Penny and Sheldon was preying on him. Especially sitting here, beside his roommate, who, while he was still carrying about disinfectant cloths and had cleaned his set and the steel bars in front of them, was dressed like quite a few people here. Sure, he knew Sheldon was from Texas, but he imagined the idea of how to dress for a rodeo would be as foreign to him as how to dress for a Halloween party. This wasn't a reprise of the Doppler effect.

Leonard was used to feeling out of place in Penny's world. He was used to smiling and nodding when she talked about football or popular culture that didn't interest him or the others, but he could always feel good that as much as he didn't get it, Sheldon was always worse. Here, Sheldon didn't appear to be worse, as he tilted his head to a passing woman, and said "Ma'am," with a twang in his voice when she bumped him. It was only slightly reassuring that afterwards, he had gotten out another disinfectant wipe.

When the rodeo started, it only got worse. A man came out on a horse, and everyone cheered as the announcer gave his name and informed everyone that he would be up first in the "cutting" competition. Leonard had no idea what that meant, luckily, he didn't have to ask.

"Where's the bucking bronco?" Howard asked, sounding put out. "I thought this was a rodeo!"

Sheldon gave Howard a patented Sheldon look, full of his usual condescension. "There are many events in a rodeo. The point of this one is for the rider to separate a calf from the herd and keep it away for a predetermined length of time." He sighed. "I do not know why Penny allowed you to invite yourself along."

"Yeah, well, we're still trying to figure out why she asked you, Sheldon." Leonard admitted. "This isn't really your _thing_ either. Just because you had time to look it up on Wikipedia..." He didn't know why he was being so harsh to his roommate. He and Penny were friends. Friends were allowed to do things on their own. Still, he couldn't help but feel in some way, that Penny was _his_, not Sheldon's. Sheldon hadn't wanted to invite her over for lunch, use their shower or go after her TV. If Sheldon had his way, Penny wouldn't be a part of their lives. Sure, he had Stephanie, and he was happy, really - but Penny was _his_ unattainable dream-girl. Sheldon didn't even have a _deal_. So why was he feeling like this?

"I did not have to research rodeo." Sheldon said, his usual immaculate English being buffeted by the language around him, until hints of Texas were slipping out. "My Peepaw used to take me to rodeos when I stayed at the farm in the summer."

'Peepaw?' Raj mouthed silently, looking at Leonard, who just shrugged. "Sorry Sheldon, but we wanted to share this with Penny too."

Sheldon grumbled, but was distracted by the second rider's bad seat and how his center of gravity was off.

* * *

Things went slightly better after that, Howard was pleased that at least bronco riding was actually a thing, and Sheldon, despite the return of the Texan accent, explained each of the events to his friends as they watched the men's events. Before the women's events, however, there were several children's events, including something Sheldon called "mutton bustin'" that was basically bronco riding for children with a large sheep as a stand-in.

"Penny holds the record for youngest female to stay on for a full eight seconds in Douglas County, Nebraska." The lanky physicist informed them.

"How do you _know_ this?" Leonard asked, his voice getting high with annoyance despite himself.

Sheldon looked at him the same way he had when he had suggested Babylon 5 instead of Firefly. "Penny told me. How else would I have found out?"

Leonard wouldn't sulk, but he sure felt like sulking.

* * *

Penny was one of the last in her events, probably because she signed up so late. If he was honest, Leonard probably would have enjoyed it more if she had been sitting next to him instead of next to Cowboy Cooper. It was adorable Midwestern Farmer's Daughter when Penny brought up junior rodeo, if a bit off-putting. _Sheldon_ knowing everything was a bit too Urban Cowboy.

Still, the men were here to support her and whooped and hollered in support like so many around them were doing. Sheldon, despite his knowledge of rodeo, was not one to give into such displays, though he would clap now and again. Leonard learned that "junior rodeo" was not an idle threat. Somehow, when she had mentioned hogtying and castration he hadn't taken it seriously, but seeing her actually do roping made his stomach lurch a little bit.

Penny on a horse was a _sight_, an Leonard couldn't even begrudge Howard a crass comment or two. if he had thought cutting and roping was impressive though, the event Sheldon called "barrel racing" was amazing. He couldn't help but worry for Penny on the fast twists and turns and angles that he didn't know if she'd be able to recover from. Leonard thought she did perfectly, and while she came in gold everywhere else, , she did, in fact, win her first silver in the barrel racing event - but Anna mae was hot on her heels in the bronze, so Leonard thought it a victory.

Afterwards, Penny was flushed and laughing and gave them all hugs, which even Sheldon endured, though he scrunched up his nose. "I won the women's purse! Shoes here I come!"

Anna Mae came up beside her, dropping an arm around her shoulders. "Naw, Penny, that just means the drinks are on you tonight. Let's show your boys how we do it in Omaha."


End file.
